Anyone else have an angry gremlin on their hands? One of my 3 year olds is very in touch with his aggressive side and while I never want to quash any of his feelings, I do want him to learn anger management strategies that he can lean on as he develops emotional regulation skills.
These 4 emotional awareness & regulation techniques have been incredibly helpful in reducing aggressive behaviors without causing shame.
Give Them a Name What They're Feeling
I wrote the song "Gremlin Mode" to help little ones understand that their anger is a healthy and normal emotion, but they can (and must!) learn to control it. Of course, 3 year olds aren't able to regulate their emotions yet to truly stay in control and so the song is meant to introduce a concept that you can reinforce in many other moments with the goal of them growing into these emotional regulation skills as they become developmentally ready.
I've found it really helpful to give that anger a name to help them externalize it and realize that while it's part of them, it doesn't control them. My kids now regularly talk about their Angry Gremlins!
Introduce Fun & Silly Breathing Techniques for Anger Management
Deep breathing is always a smart place to start, but my kids get tired of hearing me say, "Just take a deeeeep breath!" But if I say, "Let's pretend to be dragons and breathe fire!!!" they're always excited to take part. I made this video with my 4 favorite fun and playful breathing techniques that can help with emotional regulation without your kids even realizing that they're taking deep breaths.
Put 'Em to Work with Heavy Work for Emotional Regulation
If I can catch my kids before they've fully melted down, tasking them with some heavy work is always a great way to redirect their energy. I asked ChatGPT to explain why heavy work is beneficial for promoting emotional regulation and here's what it said:
Engaging in heavy work activities can be beneficial for emotional regulation in toddlers. Heavy work involves activities that provide deep pressure and proprioceptive input to the muscles and joints, helping to calm and organize the nervous system. Here are some examples of heavy work activities for toddlers:
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Carrying Heavy Objects: Encourage toddlers to carry objects like books, small bags, or containers filled with safe items. Make sure the weight is appropriate for their size and strength. [My favorite is to have them build something with our couch cushions like in this video]
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Pushing and Pulling: Provide push toys or toys on wheels that toddlers can push or pull around. This can include toy strollers, wagons, or carts. [Or, if you have twins, stick one of them on a slippery blanket and have the other one pull him around your wooden floors!]
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Climbing: Climbing on age-appropriate structures, such as low climbing equipment or stairs, can provide proprioceptive input. Always ensure a safe environment and supervise toddlers during climbing activities.
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Squeezing Playdough or Stress Balls: Activities that involve squeezing and manipulating playdough or stress balls can provide tactile input and promote hand strength.
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Sensory Bins with Textured Materials: Create sensory bins filled with materials like rice, beans, or sand. Allow toddlers to explore and play in these bins, providing sensory and proprioceptive input.
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Swinging: Swinging on a swing can offer vestibular input, which contributes to a sense of balance and body awareness.
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Jumping on Trampolines or Mattresses: Jumping activities help with energy regulation and provide deep pressure input. Ensure a safe environment and supervision during jumping activities.
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Bear Hugs: Giving toddlers gentle bear hugs or wrapping them in a soft blanket can provide comforting deep pressure.
Always consider the individual needs and preferences of the toddler, and be mindful of their sensory sensitivities. If you have specific concerns about a child's development or sensory processing, it's advisable to consult with a pediatric occupational therapist for personalized guidance.
Play the Angry Gremlin Game: a Safe Way to Release Aggression
The Angry Gremlin game works like this: when kids need a productive way to express their anger, frustration, or aggression, tell them to go get their favorite stuffed animals and GO TO TOWN ON THEM while you give them silly voices. When I first stumbled on this technique from Attachment Play via Playful Heart Parenting, it made me a little uncomfortable. The idea of narrating the experience of the stuffed animals felt borderline sadistic and I didn't want to confuse my kids by saying things like, "No, stop!!!" when we're working on honoring boundaries and consent.
But the first time I told my kids to go get their stuffies and beat them up while I narrated their voices, it was clear that my kids could tell it was a silly game and it IMMEDIATELY changed the mood.
Kids are able to distinguish fantasy from reality at a surprisingly young age and inviting them to work through their emotions during the safe container of play with a trusted adult is a healthy way to help them release negative energy.
So now we call it the Angry Gremlin game and whenever they get that twinkle in their eye that tells me they're about to start making really bad decisions, I tell them to go get their stuffies and get ready to let their Angry Gremlins take over!
I try to be very mindful of the words I choose so that I'm narrating the experience and not encouraging them to ignore consent. So using phrases like, "Ow, my tail!" "I'm so dizzy!" "You threw me so high at the sky!" feels much better than making them say, "Please don't do that, stop, no!" And if this game does not feel right for you then that's totally fine too! Heavy work is a great alternative.