My 3.5 year old twins are on the verge of dropping their afternoon nap and I'm feeling some kind of way about it. I know how lucky I've been that they've generally been good sleepers but WOW I'll miss that 90m break when they're home on weekends.
Sleep is such a tricky topic so I don't usually talk about it: I try to share advice only when it comes from personal experience and includes a takeaway that I think will help others. And most of the advice I have to give boils down to: Well, I've just been really lucky that neither of them are allergic to sleep!*
But as I look back on their toddlers years, I do think we've done a couple of things right. Keeping a very consistent bedtime routine has certainly helped: Wind-down starts at 6pm when we start using our bedtime routine chart by turning off screens. If they're acting extra spicy then we incorporate a lot of heavy work and when the weather is good, we carry them outside to look at the moon & the stars for a few minutes.
Bathtime starts at 6:30pm, then it's into the nursery by 7:15pm. We get into PJs, sing 3-4 bedtime lullabies, give hugs and kisses, and exchange a long but non-negotiable list of call-and-response pleasantries (goodnight! i love you! sleep well! don't let the bedbugs bite! see you in the morning!) before tucking them in at 7:30pm.
There have literally only been a handful of times in their lives that we've strayed from the schedule and while I know our Virgo Moon babies are especially appreciative of structured routines, I think most little ones benefit from the stability of knowing exactly how their bedtime ritual will go.
The other thing that stands out on the list of things we've done right is Mella, a visual sleep training alarm clock. We bought her when we were making the transition from cribs to toddler beds and it's one of the smartest parenting moves we've ever made. My kids know that the rule is they sleep while Mella sleeps so while they sometimes get up at night to use the potty, they never get out of bed in the morning before Mella wakes up. Knowing that we get the morning to ourselves until 6:30am is honestly one of the reasons that I'm able to be as grounded + patient as I am.
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*We've all got different kids so I know these thoughts + resources won't apply to everyone. If you have a little one with low sleep needs, please don't feel like you're doing anything wrong: I highly recommend this article to remind you that you're not alone.
But if you're simply on the toddler sleep training struggle bus, here are a few ideas to try. Wishing you good rest ✨
Broaden the Bedtime Routine Window
We stop screen time about 2 hours before bed and I consider this whole period to be part of the bedtime routine. Before bath, I tend to focus on heavy sensory input: playing monsters/chase, running them around, or engaging in heavy work. I want them to burn off any extra energy and feel deeply connected and supported before we shift to wind-down time.
If you have a deep sensory seeker, you might want to incorporate even more of this just before bed: blanket swinging, body squeezes, and jumping on the bed can be helpful.
Stay Consistent
Establish a bedtime routine that you can stick with. Children are creatures of habit and knowing what they can expect can prevent a whole lot of anxiety.
Our toddler bedtime routine looks like:
6:30pm bathtime
7:10pm get out & brush teeth
7:15pm pajamas
7:20pm sing 4 bedtime lullabies together
7:30pm tuck in and turn out the lights
As they've entered their 3s they've gotten a little more resistant to being told what to do so using a bedtime routine chart has been incredibly helpful in removing power struggles and moving them through transitions.
Use a Visual Clock
WE LOVE MELLA.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH WE LOVE MELLA.
There are other sleep training visual alarm clocks on the market but she's the only one I've ever used so I can't vouch for any others.
It works like this: you program your bedtime and waking time. A few minutes before bedtime, her eyes start to blink as she gets sleepy and then her eyes close.
30 minutes before wake up time, she turns on a gentle yellow nightlight: our kids sleep through this part, but you can teach them to play quietly until she turns green when it's time to get up.
For naps, you program the length of time that you want her to sleep and then just press the nap button and she goes right to sleep!
There are additional features that we've never used, but the facial expressions + colorful lights have been more than worth the $50 we spent. And an unexpected added bonus is that she's smart enough to remember her settings even if you have to unplug her to take on trips with you!